Seduction Techniques - Using These the Right Way
You shouldn’t be embarrassed about the seduction skills you’re using – unless you’re using them irresponsibly. Like all tools, the techniques in these posts can be applied for good or bad purposes. Take the guilt test – if you pass, then you don’t need to worry about being dishonest or disingenuous.
Don’t Be A Dick
You remember in The Empire Strikes Back when Luke has gotta take off to help his buddies, but Yoda is all against it, because he isn’t ready to deal with the temptations?
Well, that’s you. Kinda.
I bet there also was a time when you made the observation that assholes got women, and although you wanted women as bad as the next guy, you weren’t willing to become an asshole to do it.
And I bet you’ve had a doubt or two while reading these posts along the same lines.
Questions Are Good
That’s cool. In fact, that’s good. You want to remain active, questioning, open. I don’t want my students just blindly taking what I say for gospel, but instead trying it all out and seeing what works for them.
That means you have to question what’s happening – both so you can refine and customize for yourself (which we’ll talk about later at greater length), and also so you can be open to recognizing what’s REALLY going on. Because as much as I might explain it, some things will only make sense when you try them. And then only when you’re actively thinking about it and being critical.
So what am I saying? Well, this is an extension of comments I’ve made earlier – and I could have easily opened with this, but I wanted to wait until you’d seen some of what these articles are really about before asking you to think too deeply about it.
Because what I’ve given you here is a number of theories – good ones, ones that work in the real world, not just the psych study ward – and different applications or those theories in practical ways.
In short, I’ve given you some powerful tools.
And, like all tools, these things can be used for both good and evil (pardon the hyperbole).
The Wrong Way
Look, there definitely are guys out there who want to know a bunch of lines, a bunch of routines and techniques, and are basically looking to use them to “trick” girls into feeling something. You can take what I teach you here to do that sort of thing if that’s what you want – just as you can take a sushi knife and use it to extract livers and sell them on the black market.
That’s not what this is about, though.
The Right Way
You shouldn’t be trying to trick women. It might work and you might have plenty of sex – but it’s not going to bring you any closer to a real connection with a woman. And if that’s what you’re after – and I think that, deep down, that’s what most men want, in one form or another – than you need a different tact.
You need honesty.
I’m not saying you need to reveal your deepest fears and obsessions to every girl you like – in fact, I’ve said the opposite often enough that the thought shouldn’t even occur to you.
What I am saying, though, is that you shouldn’t be looking at these techniques as a dishonest attempt to repaint yourself in new colors.
Don’t LIE – just be yourself… MORESO
What we’re trying to do here – cue the violins and brass section – is do a better job PRESENTING yourself. Not lying about who you are, not being false in any way, but just COMMUNICATING in a more POWERFUL and ATTRACTIVE way.
Get the difference? It’s a little subtle, so let me give you a good way to test yourself.
The Test
If a girl found these posts printed out on your desk and asked you about it, how would you feel?
A little exposed? Hey, that’d be alright. A little sheepish? No worries.
A little like you need to get the girl out of there and never see her again before she digs too deep into your dark dark underworld?
Now you’ve got problems.
If you’re Comfortable, you’re using it right
The thing is, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about this sort of thing. If a girl sees this post, you shouldn’t need to cover anything up. You should be able to feel free talking about it, maybe even sharing it (in the case of guys wanting to have a number of primaries and/or secondaries).
Now, I’m not saying you should bring her home and say “Wanna see something cool?” And it also doesn’t mean you should say “Yes, I got this book to help me with women, because I need help with women and I like women so I got a book to help me with women. I like them. I like you.” Ugh. DEFINITELY don’t say that.
But if a woman finds this, you should feel cool saying something like “Yeah, that’s an article about attraction. Here, tell me what you think of this: it says that women don’t like wimpy little yes men, but prefer a guy who’ll speak his mind and not kiss up to her. What do you think of that?”
You can actually end up getting some REALLY interesting responses, and your matter-of-fact relaxed confidence – and LACK of anything like GUILT – will be a major turn-on.
If you’re comfortable with the concepts in here and don’t have a problem talking about them, then you’re probably using this thing the right way.
Derek Vitalio
Check out Derek Vitalio material:
Women’s Positive Memories - Use Them To Your Advantage
Humans – nay, all mammals and smart animals – are strange. When something happens, we associate it with our surroundings, whether there is a real connection or not. This is a very useful tidbit to know – and to use to your advantage.Pavlov was a smart guy
Have you ever heard of Pavlov? The Pavlovian response? Or his pets?
If not, check out what he did. He got a bunch of dogs, and surgically implanted tubes in their salivary glands.
This is what I want you to do.
Ha ha, I’m hilarious. No, Pavlov did this so he could measure a dog’s saliva very accurately. And then he fed them. See how much slobber the thought of food produced.
You won’t be surprised by this: they produced a lot.
Then, Pavlov started ringing a bell before he fed the dogs. Soon enough, hearing the bell was enough to get the dogs salivating.
Even when he removed the food or didn’t give it to the dogs, the bell produced just as much saliva as when they got the food.
Can you guess where I’m going here?
Pavlov, meet humans
Humans are the same. All animals with the intelligence to connect cause and effect are the same (even though in this case, that connection is false).
That’s why I’ve got you performing these various exercises, and creating anchors. If you’ve been working on them, by now you should know the anchors work. If you have an experience and something else is happening simultaneously, your brain is going to make that connection. We are pattern-sensing machines, and we’re quite happy to create one where they make no logical sense.
This worked really well back in the day when a cracking twig meant something big was coming. Now, not so much. But the important thing is the instinct remains.
And you can make it work for you.
Let Human Nature Help You
How? C’mon, you shouldn’t need me to spell it out.
Alright, I will, just in case you’re hung over at the moment. If a girl feels good around you – for any reason – that feeling gets TRANSFERRED to YOU.
This includes memories.
And, by the other token, if she’s spending her time with you reliving bad experiences, YOU become linked with those feelings.
SO… you want to AVOID bitch sessions – especially early on, when she doesn’t have any feelings connected with you.
And you want to STIMULATE good memories and feelings as much as possible.
Let’s take an example.
Turn Downers into a Positive
Say you’ve just met a girl, and in the course of conversation she starts talking about a recent ex and a bad breakup. She starts getting upset and devolving into all the negative emotions that her breakup took her through.
You see her getting pissed, and while she’s getting pissed she’s seeing YOU.
Very bad.
What can you do?
Try saying something like this: “Wow, it sounds like that guy really hurt you. Tell you what: pretend this” (pick up a piece of paper or something small and fragile like that) “is him. Now, crumple him up.”
Chances are she’ll go at this with a relish that’s almost frightening.
“Now, put all your anger into this piece of paper (or whatever you’ve got), and throw it away. Just rip it up, and toss it, and start fresh without THIS GUY bringing you down.”
Man, this is powerful stuff. She’ll move from the dangerous place of associating you with all those negative feelings, and instead associate you with the CESSATION of those feelings. Double whammy.
Using Positive Experiences to your advantage
Or let’s say that a girl tells you she has a boyfriend. You’ll get that a lot – both because attractive women often have boyfriends, and because that’s a great line to weed out the weak and the superficial.
You don’t have to let it throw you. For one, she could be lying, and also, PLENTY of women are with a guy – but not REALLY. They prefer it to being alone, but they’re still looking for the right guy for them.
Instead of walking away, you could do something like this:
“That’s awesome. I bet he really makes you feel good. Listen, my friend says when she’s passionate about a guy, she feels it in back of her throat, and it travels out the top of her head. Do you mind if I ask how it felt with your boyfriend?”
Maybe she’ll say “Well, I felt this fluttering in my stomach, and it moved up to a lump in my throat.”
As she’s saying this, she’ll be reliving the experience of her attraction. By the way, this works with any woman, if you just lead her through an experience of attraction.
Anchor the feelings to YOU
Then help her relive it AGAIN, and this time, ANCHOR it. “That’s really interesting, because it’s nothing like my friend’s experience. So, let me get this straight. For YOU, you felt it in your STOMACH (and now lightly touch her stomach), and it moved up into your THROAT (and trace the path). Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s exactly it!”
And now she’s relived the attraction, but through YOUR NONVERBAL SEXUAL CUE TOUCH.
If she were a dog and you a bell, she’s drooling all over the place now.
A few more times throughout your time together, re-establish it. Talk about attraction and touch her stomach as you do. Talk about emotions evolving, and trace the path.
Don’t Stop There
Get inventive. Use this sort of strategy as often as you can, for any sort of good positive feeling. Link it to yourself, or to an object that will cause her to remember you.
Example: “I had fun chatting.”
“Me too.”
“Well, tell you what. Take all the fun you’ve had here, and put it in this. (Pick anything, absolutely anything small and portable will do. Ok, not a bloody tampon, but you get the picture.) Then, whenever you need it, you can pick this up and remember this time.”
Boom. Instant nostalgia. She’ll be thinking of you all day.
WORK at this
Now, getting this right takes a bit of practice – it’s easy to sound like some new age freak here, and you just might a couple of times.
But work with it. Make it natural. Learn to steer the conversation to happy emotions – and the situations to exciting spots (hint: fear and heat both feel similar to passion and sex, physiologically) – and you can stimulate powerful productive connections between good feelings and yourself.
And that… is a good thing.
Derek Vitalio
Check out Derek Vitalio material:
Secret To Meeting HOT Women
A QUESTION FROM A READER:
Hey Mr. Matthew's,
I have been in the community for a couple of months, so far I found great success in approaching. I have a challenge when I approach some women, for example there was this three set at this bar two 9's and 8.
My opener was I just moved here, what is fun to do around this city?
They opened up with some what of a smart ass comment, I acted like it did not affect me. Then I went into my routine which is a joke. They came back with a nice try see you later "bitch shield." I don't know if my body language is perceiving me still as a "nice guy" or what. I do know as soon as I can step up to the challenge I will have HB 9 in my life.
The question I have for you Mr. Matthews is, should I not approach these women that are 9's until I am ready or should I have a better routine.
Thanks, Jazz
MY RESPONSE:
Okay, Jazz, here's the thing...
Before I can answer any of your questions, I need to know what your GOAL was.
See, I'm a big believer that if you're going to approach a woman - especially one who's with a friend of hers - you need a GAME PLAN.
In other words: You need to know what you want to accomplish in your approach.
In my bootcamp, which I specially designed to help guys get **REALLY** good at meeting women, no matter how beautiful they are, gives you a really simple goal:
Use your opener, then eject.
The purpose for this is to get you used to walking up to women and talking to them.
It sounds to me like you approached without a goal. And because you didn't know what you were after, you couldn't figure out the best way to handle the situation.
That was your first mistake.
The second mistake was you used the wrong kind of opener with these girls.
The old "I just moved here, what is fun to do around this city" line is so obviously a pick-up line.
And these girls were READY for it!
It's also an opener you can't really go anywhere with. In fact, it's completely dependent on the woman's willingness to help you out.
The purpose of opening a woman is to ENGAGE her quickly and gain powerful rapport.
Your opener did neither.
Your other big mistake sounds like a mix-up in group dynamics. You should know that when approaching two women, you must open the woman you are LEAST INTERESTED IN first, and win her over before trying to engage your target.
But to answer your biggest question...
"Is there a difference in Approaching women who are 9s and 10s on the looks scale..."
The answer to that is: YES.
And if you ignore this difference, you will strike out 10 times out of 10.
Here's the KEY factor in picking up hot-hot women.
Ready?
It's VALUE.
If you come off as some shlub walking up to a 9 or a 10, she's probably not going to give you the time of day.
This is because she has 100s of guys approaching her every hour!
It's up to you to make yourself stand out.
See, when a woman is approached so often by men, she tends to have her "bitch shield" up.
This is a self-defense mechanism that helps to ward of the nuisance horny guys can cause these incredibly beautiful women.
And if she's out in a bar or club with a friend, that shield is amplified by 1,000!
So unless you're incredibly rich, good looking, AND famous, you're going to have a hard time breaking through that shield...
Unless you create value for yourself.
So here's the question: How do you create value?
Answer: By Acting Like You're Not Attracted To Her!
This is where the concept of "Active Disinterest" becomes vitally important.
(For those of you who don't know what Active Disinterest is, shame on you for not reading my book yet! =)
See, when you deal with a "normal" looking woman, (those who range from mildly attractive to really cute, but who aren't drop dead gorgeous), it's okay to flirt a little bit and hint at your attraction.
With 9s and 10s, doing this too soon can ruin your chances.
You have to treat women in the 9 & 10 category as though they were really 2s and 3s on the looks scale.
The reason for this is that if you treat a really hot woman like she's not all that hot, you make yourself stand out from all the other yahoos approaching her all the time!
In essence, you're placing a value on yourself, and lowering her value in the process.
And what does this do?
IT MAKES HER FEEL SHE'S GOT SOMETHING TO PROVE TO YOU, THAT'S WHAT!
And when that happens, you open the possibility to create some powerful attraction there.
But guess what?
You're not going to get anywhere CLOSE to that level of skill, unless you master the fundamentals first!
If you're really serious about gaming 9s and 10s and dating supermodel quality women, you simply have to get my book The Art Of Approaching.
No other course out there will give you the foundation you need to become a real ladies man EXCEPT this course!
You can download it in a few minutes and be reading it in no time flat. Just click the link below now:
Click Here To Start Meeting Beautiful Women Right Now!
Don't waste another moment floundering around in your love life. Get it together today!
All the best,
Joseph Matthews
Get Women To Date You
A Question From A Reader
Hey Joseph,
I was reading the Art of Approaching, under the online openers. And the one where you send an email saying how you're good looking, funny, etc then modest, I used that on a girl and she responded very well to it. But since then its been very ho-hum. I can't get to meeting her. All I got is her AIM screenname. But I don't know how to take it to the next step. I know that I have to meet her if I want anything to happen, but I don't know how it should be done. I need your help.
- Stephen
MY RESPONSE:
Hi Stephen,
First of all -- of COURSE that email got a great response! That's one of my patented internet dating techniques.
(You know I'd never share something with you that DOESN'T work!)
But you seem to be running into a common problem that most guys who are dating on the internet eventually run into...
THE TRANSITION!
You know, the part where you move from online to offline.
In a way, it's really no different from setting up a date after meeting a woman in the real world.
See, when it comes to first contact, be it email, telephone, or a cold approach, you should always be thinking of one thing...
The Date!
Get her to agree to meet with you. Period.
Until that happens, it isn't real. She's either not serious or not interested until she commits to a date.
When it comes to email, the trick is to get her on the phone as soon as possible. You could say something like:
"Hey, great. You're a real person. Now that we've established that, let's talk. This email thing is for the birds. You can call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX. But try to call before 10, because that's when my mom makes me go to sleep. =)
If you're comfortable with it, you can give me your number and make me do all the dirty work.
Talk soon,
(your name here)"
Once you get her on the phone and you're able to establish some rapport, then you can set up a date to meet.
Make it something low-pressure so she'll feel comfortable. Something like getting coffee or a drink. This will give you two a chance to get to know each other and see if it's worth going forward.
The same is true when meeting a girl in person.
Lots of guys like to try and go for the phone number right away.
But why?
I look at the phone number as a "last resort."
This is because you want to get her to go out with you AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.
If she's up for it, take her out right then and there. Ask her if she's got time for a quick cup of coffee.
If not, try and set up a date right there. Ask her if she's free the next night or that very weekend.
Once the date is set up, then exchange your numbers.
Or, if she's not immediately available, THEN ask her for her number and try calling to set up the date.
Remember: Move fast and with purpose.
Until she goes out with you, she's not really committed to having a romantic encounter.
The WORST thing you can do is hesitate and draw out asking her to meet you again.
Lots of girls will begin to wonder if you're really interested if you don't ask her out. So don't wait. Seize the opportunity when you have the chance.
If you're really serious about getting more dates than you can handle, you really need to learn my secrets.
Just take a few minutes to check out my book The Art Of Approaching. You can do so here:
Click Here To Start Meeting Beautiful Women Right Now!
You could be letting the woman of your dreams slip through your fingers if you don't act right this second.
Don't waste another minute. You don't know if you'll get that chance again.
Best,
Joseph Matthews
What Women Want In A Relationship
I recieved a rather short, sweet, and intriguing question recently...
A QUESTION
Do women really know what they are looking for in a relationship?
--from Chilibean
AN ANSWER
Now that's a loaded question if I ever heard one, lol.
Here's the thing...
Different women have different expectations about what they want from a man and a relationship.
For example, a young woman may not know what she wants in a relationship simply because she isn't experienced enough to know what's important to her yet.
A more mature woman, one who's been in a lot of different relationships, may know exactly what she's looking for in a relationship.
But there's one thing all types of women know about before they get into a relationship...
They know what they're ATTRACTED to!
See, the female mind processes things in this manner:
1. Is there something attracting me to this man?
2. Will this man be a good fit for me in the long term?
Usually, number 1 will kick in almost immediately within the first few minutes of meeting a man. They'll start evaluating the man's attraction quotient.
Number two won't kick in until number one has been met.
This means that if you can get a woman really turned on, or even in bed, then she'll immediately start evaluating you based on your potential for a long term relationship.
Women who try and do this backwards, by getting into a relationship and hoping the attraction will grow, usually end up disappointed.
When it comes to what women are actually looking for in a relationship, you can expect these factors to come into play:
- How well does the man treat her?
- What is the level of attraction occurring?
- How good is he in bed?
- How strong is the emotional connection?
- How good of a provider is he?
Let's quickly go through these five female relationship factors...
The first factor can be misleading. All women want to be treated well, but they don't necessarily want to be treated like goddesses to be fawned over.
(Sure, that's okay from time to time, but too much of a good thing is a bad thing...)
Women want to feel like the man they are with is loving and strong. So if you treat them in a way where they know you care, know they are safe, but know you won't take their bullcrap, they will feel well treated.
The next factor has to do with what we discussed earlier. If they are still feeling sexual attraction towards you, then this factor is met. But if things have fizzled, this could be a deal breaker.
Most women aren't used to having men who are good in bed. So if you can please her between the sheets, then chances are she'll see you as a "keeper."
If there is a strong emotional connection, a woman will want to be around you. She will feel connected to you and want to please you. This is a very important factor in any relationship.
Women who don't have a strong emotional connection to the men they are in a relationship with will tend to cheat on them, because they aren't being fulfilled emotionally.
Finally, a man who is a good provider will make a woman feel safe and cared for.
Many women will gravitate towards men who can pay their bills, even if all the other relationship factors are absent.
But this doesn't mean that type of relationship is a happy or stable one (for either party).
Showing a woman you're a good provider is probably the least important factor in a strong relationship, but it is still a factor.
But the first step you need to be aware of before you can even begin to THINK about relationships, is the initial ATTRACTION phase.
And that phase starts with how you MEET her.
I personally believe that any man has the potential to attract any woman.
If they know what to do.
In my book, The Art Of Approaching, you're going to learn some super-ninja techniques that will lay the foundation for a great relationship.
You'll learn how to plant the initial seeds of attraction that will blossom into a good relationship.
Just go here:
Click Here To Start Meeting Beautiful Women Right Now!
Don't waste another second. Right now, there is a woman looking to be in a relationship with YOU.
You don't want to deny her that opportunity do you?
Get your copy of The Art Of Approaching now.
Wishing you success,
Joseph Matthews
