Tombomby's site

works for you

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 06:27:23 +0100

I think that works for you because you are a women and dh is a man
(well duhh.) I think Jeff would be taking a huge risk in stopping
all requests for sex. I can almost guarantee that she will not
initiate. The only thing that is going to make her "come around" is
for her to think that Jeff is getting it somewhere else. I bet she
thinks she has him now...so why bother.

I'm not suggesting that Jeff have an affair...'cause I certainly am
not. But they need to talk frankly about their situation before it
gets to that point. She needs to realize that there is a lot at
stake for her and she had better start seeing this as her problem,
too instead of just his problem. She obviously doesn't feel like she
needs to worry right now. She is just too sure of Jeff. In most
relationships, that is a good thing...here, probably not.

signs

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:21:35 +0100

Dear "went"....you didn't tell us your name or sign your postings so I'm sorry I can't address you by name ....I feel there is alot to what you've posted......I to feel that we as woman can have casual male friends ....that we've always had.....and i feel the men can have casual woman friends that they've always had.....however when you are a couple...however you define the coupling.....when new freindships are formed they should include both of you.....personally i understand your being upset with your husbsand for fostering this new friendship with this woman in a secret style and not including you...it does make you wonder....about the both of them...if this is just a casual friendship why does it need to exclude you?... When people are in a high profile jobs they frequently have to travel and do business meetings and sometimes even go to dinners and luncheons with colleques....this can be upsetting if its your husband.....but it is also upsetting if your really close friends....my best friend is a plastic surgeon and last year if you recall there was a huge earthquake in Europe....well he and his team were called over there for the children that had been hurt really badly.....well his surgical assistant closest team member is a woman....they traveled together.....he left for europe for ten days....didn't say a word to me that he was leaving ...they left and I never knew the difference until the earthquake struck......and someone from the hospital called and said, "Cass we just wanted you to know that he's okay, it's just going to delay his return .." he wont be back when he expected." I of course was clueless and said....."What...whats going on and where is he and with who".....his secretary said, He's over at the earthquake site and they have been having massive aftershocks so he and bonny won't be back for a few days.....i nearly dropped the phone.....I said are you telling me that he and bonny have gone to europe together and he never mentioned a thing....."? she said, "Oh cass its just work...they are friends"....."yeahhhhhhhhhh right!" ...I will admit I was twacked..not because he's left and was with a woman....but because he would leave the country with anyone for ten days and not feel that he should mention it too me.......say nothing of going with a woman.....so I called his machine and left a message and said...."well i hope everything is going nicely ....since you'd not felt the need to mention that you and she were off for ten days....don't bother letting me know when you return....appearently you feel i'm on a need to know basis and I DON'T NEED TO KNOW....and i hung up.....about two hours later i got a call from Europe ...it was Bonny saying okay cass don't get all freaked out.....he's all twacked now thinking that your mad at him.....we are surgeons the kids need surgery ...this is only business....yes he and I are friends ...but if he didn't think you were an important friend to him do you think he would have me call you.....he will never do this going off without mentioning it to you agian...and he's not done so......and now Bonny and I are good freinds as well.....friends should enlarge our lives not deminish it....just my opinion......and remember family ..i'm not a professional...so my opinion is just that....an opinion........hugs cassie

Invited

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:45:41 +0100

If HE chooses to treat it as a date once he gets there, as SHE so obviously expects him to do, that's his decision, and a valuable learning experience for ME. (Translation: I'll start packing TOMORROW.)

Conversely, if he gently pries her off his person and explains "he's only here for the beer" -- i.e. the Newbie Orientation halfhour and the subsequent topical roundtables -- as he says he intends to do, then this will also be a valuable learning experience for HIM in dating niceties he has obviously not yet mastered (absolutely no pun implied). Hopefully it'll be a valuable learning experience for HER, too, but she's exterior to my own mental map so "fuck her if she can't take a joke," so to speak...

Reasonable, neh? Bloodless, neh? Then why do I still feel like SHIT and am utterly certain that I WILL lose this man tonight. :( :( :(

You have to understand two things here: 1) He'd hotly deny it, but he's rather -- no, make that VERY -- no, make that EXTREMELY, sigh -- naive when it comes to the true Jungle ruthlessness of the dating-as-sportfucking thing in general, having always preferred long-term one-on-one liaisons, and 2) ANY "new" meat, no matter how shopworn, inspires the oldtimers at these bdsm things into a feeding frenzy; a drop-dead gorgeous, blade-slim, unPartnered kinda guy who looks about 17 (he moonlights as a model, that's how REAL this perception is, this is NOT just a doting grrlfriend talking, sigh) and who furthermore can ONLY, honestly, identify as "a curious newbie" when they do the "please introduce yourself" protocol at each of the four mini-roundtables he'll get to choose to participate in, is going to be the target of every wolf in the room, regardless of said wolf's gender, gender preference, or identification (Top/bottom/switch).

He has to run this gauntlet himself, methinks, sooner or later...so it might as well be now. Whether he'll come out of it unscathed is a very open question indeed, but that is none of my fucking business. He's an independent adult, and I've done all I can. I've given him the best Play Party Etiquette For Dummies shortlist I could find, off-the-cuff profiles of the most common Predatory Types he's likely to encounter, and a few scene buzzphrases that should serve as at least SOME degree of elective shielding should he feel he needs it.

So he's gonna do what he's gonna do regardless, and I've done all I can. Perfect, neh? Then why do I still feel like shit. And why did he leave me a note this morning before going off to work without waking me up (he NEVER leaves without waking me up!) saying "if it weirds me out I'll come home" -- clearly implying that if it DOESN'T weird him out, he WON'T come home. Does that mean EVER, or sometime next week, or what-the-fuck???

Can't wait

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 01:59:08 +0100

I'm only 21 years old and I can't wait to get married. My boyfriend and I have
been going out for five years this June and he told me that I can definitely
expect an engagement ring by September, so anytime up till now he could be
popping the question. We go to the same college and won't be getting married for
a few more years, but I just want that "committed" feeling of being engaged and
so does he. If you really love one another and think about the other constantly
when you're apart, then go for it. Marriage brings lives and the lives of your
two families together; that is if both families get along, and ours do which is
great.

It's tough...

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 00:01:38 +0100

It will be tough, but you need to move on and you should move on. The bond between husband and wife is often very strong; but a lot of times the relationship between a father-son/daughter is what will keep marriages together; and you will never want to compete with that. I think (from experience) that he was being honest with you, but when push comes to shove, the family bond/obligation is stronger than anyone can imagine. Get over him now while you can so that you can work on building a healthy relationship of your own. And if you have any faith in God, ask Him to help you. If you don't you will only end up being miserable sitting around reacting/responding when he's ready to talk with you, see you, etc. with you. Also, do not sit around doing nothing because it will only cause you to miss and long for him. Get out and do things you like to do and with people you like or meet new people.

Confidence/Guys/Looks

Wed, 21 May 2008 00:26:06 +0100

Yes, confidence makes a person look more beautiful inside and outside.. and I'm not talking about these people who act over confident because they lack the self-esteem.. anyhow.. I started out that way.. very low self-esteem and very shy.. I'm still shy to a point, but I have a Karaoke Business which helped me gain not only self- esteem, but also the confidence I needed to run the show properly.. I mean who wants to go see a person doing Karaoke who says "next" ""next".. .and so on... I strive from the applaus I get when I sing.. and what I've learned is that it really DOESN'T matter how you look (I'm quite a bit overweight and always saw that as a hang up but not anymore)... that it DOES matter how you give yourself... and I think everybody could gain some self-esteem by doing something they love and do well and reaping the benefits of that.

On the other side, I have met some guys who are so set on thin, that they are literally rude to me... which anymore I can take well... most of the time they really have nothing for me anyway.. I'm either rude right back in those cases, or I smile at them and say "Oh, that's nice" .. I actually made a couple of friends that way...lol.

but.. .you can't win'em all, and who would want to.

Commitment with husband

Wed, 14 May 2008 17:50:15 +0100

I'm sorry it seems that you have been hurt in your life by men, but there are nice ones out there that DO care for relationships and that have been hurt by the women in their life... I have had many male friends who were that way. I'm not as young as you might think I am. I'm 35 and I share my view with plenty of others. There are just as many men who think that women are relationship shy as there are women who think men are. If you read good books, you might want to read one that's called "He's scared she's scared" and you might find something that will help YOU built a good relationship. It is just that book that made me quit doing what you are doing..running away from relationships, all the while thinking that it's the other party who's at fault. We are all so easy to blame others for their faults.. it's just soo much easier than to look within our own self. I have learned the hard way that I was the one with just as many committment problems as the guys... I think you might find the book very educational. You seem to be the kind of woman reading the "date" book... alas "Do not call the man, let him call you!" or "Don't tell him you love him"... Men have feelings too. Some women have less feelings then men... are you one of those who say "All men are assholes?" Well they're not and they have just as many feelings as we are, only they have a different way of showing them. Ever read "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus"? You can't use all of it, but OHHHH it speaks the truth in a lot of respects. Learn, even if you consider yourself old and wise.. you might not be as old and wise as you think.