A funny
Been home now almost 6 weeks.....spent a lot of time on the www - this is by far the funniest thing i have found!!! There are more - here
The truth about Haynes
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with Mole-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You are about to skin your knuckles
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell, mate!
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start; now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox...
Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go and buy a BIG can of WD40...
Haynes: Retain small spring...
Translation: "F*ck me, what was that, it nearly took my eye out"
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: "OK - that's the glass part off; now use some good pliers to dig out the base...
Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing...
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be
Haynes: Compress... T
ranslation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage for while muttering "Piece of Shit" repeatedly under your breath.
Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife, "Yeah, just as I thought, it's busted!"
Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself.
Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Haynes: Apply moderate heat... Translation:
Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.
Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book except for the thing you want to do
- Posted by thestowe on 22/10/2006.
- thestowe's site
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