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Mon, 30 Jul 2007 12:26:39 +0100

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Mon, 30 Jul 2007 12:26:39 +0100

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Mon, 30 Jul 2007 12:26:39 +0100

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Road tax can kiss my ass... a letter to the DVLA

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 16:09:26 +0000

Something I found on Ubersite (so not something I posted to the DVLA myself), though it does remind me of some dealings I had with them in the past.

For our American readers, the below is a letter I have written after an exasperating debacle with The British driving agency who tax our roads following a fine I recieved for 40 pounds.

Clive Bennett.
Chief Executive.
DVLA.
SWANSEA.
SA6 7JL

16/03/06

Dear Mr. Puppet,

I hope that I have cost you at least £40 worth of administration throughout this fiasco.

You are by far the most tight-fisted, morally corrupt company since British Telecom. I pray now on a nightly basis that following this letter I never have to correspond with you by phone or letter ever again.

Please accept this epistle as a token of my absolute disgust and contempt for the DVLA and feel free to forward it to every member of staff working for you; they should all be ashamed of themselves for having taken up their post in the first place.

I do not accept that it is in the best interests of the public to withhold what the DVLA does and does not consider exceptional circumstances. I consider it a nice little loop-hole for you to exploit as and when you see fit and I wonder about the legality of withholding such information in the first place.

I find your view of the £80 fine being reduced to £40 if paid within the specified time laughable. You know full well that it is the other way round, and you also know full well that is a bullying tactic you use to reduce the amount of Paul Hibbert's that reach your desk.

Cat and dog diaries

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 12:50:44 +0000

the dog's diary:

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

the cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill mycaptors by weaving around thei r feet while they were walking almostsucceeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

Valentines Day

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 11:20:28 +0000

I know, it's a little late...forget where I found this:

VALENTINES DAY

Just in case you're stuck for what to write in your Valentines day card........
These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line.

1. Thought that I could love no other
That is until I met your brother.

2. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

3. Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was ******.

5. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

6. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

7. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes –
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

8. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

9. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

10. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

11. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

12. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.